an open letter to the i-don’t-know-anything-about-sports-but-i- have-opinions-anyway-guy
i don’t get the ewing theory thing. wouldn’t it really only make sense to keep endlessly harping on it if a team, you know, actually won a championship, or at least noticably improved, when the ewing-ish player departed? it’s irritating enough that not only did neither of those things occur for the knicks, but how many people do you realistically think the average knicks fan would kill on live tv for a shot at having patrick ewing in his prime on the knicks right now? he wouldn’t make them instant contenders and probably favorites to represent the east, even if you got rid of randolph and curry and, oh, say every other third guy on the roster, chosen at random, and replaced them with d-league guys? i was never even a ewing fan, but man…
in other words, it’s a shitty theory, in that you’ve been harping on it for years and it has yet to actually pan out. unless i missed those new banners in msg, post ewing. of course he was always much classier than your run of the mill celtic, so i would guess that counts for something.
espn should have a sportsguy theory… get someone else with a sense of humor, a semi-decent grip on pop culture, a passing familiarity with sports, some strong, infensible opinions… EXCEPT he (she) wouldn’t be an outrageously self absorbed boston-obsessed homer! have that person fill in the current sportsguy slot. i figure it would be super difficult to find such a person, of course… probably an hour or two of combing creative writing workshops on the closest community college campus. sure, the almost guaranteed improvement in actual compositional skill would be nice, not to mention the very likely ability to not confuse one’s own lameass fratboy nostalgia with actually entertaining popcult goings on.
but hey, i hear you know jimmy kimmel! and you’re a bitchin’ go kart racer and you were going to beat that guy who’s such a jerk and what an ass for taking himself so seriously, and man you’re so much cooler than that guy that, uh… just beat you.
seriously, that was the best story ever.