Archive for January, 2008

everything is so different now

Thank Ra (I’ve decided to go with Ra as my deity of the week, as he is slightly more popular than Thor or Crom at the moment) that the democrats took over copngress and changed everything. It’s like a whole different country now. Really, just awesome. The idea that cowards, imbeciles, degenerates and lunatics are still running things seems so silly now, looking back. Yup. Totally different. No similarities at all. Solving problems, fixing Iraq and Afghanistan… it’s a new day, all righty. A brand new day.

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an open letter to the i-don’t-know-anything-about-sports-but-i- have-opinions-anyway-guy

i don’t get the ewing theory thing. wouldn’t it really only make sense to keep endlessly harping on it if a team, you know, actually won a championship, or at least noticably improved, when the ewing-ish player departed? it’s irritating enough that not only did neither of those things occur for the knicks, but how many people do you realistically think the average knicks fan would kill on live tv for a shot at having patrick ewing in his prime on the knicks right now? he wouldn’t make them instant contenders and probably favorites to represent the east, even if you got rid of randolph and curry and, oh, say every other third guy on the roster, chosen at random, and replaced them with d-league guys? i was never even a ewing fan, but man…

in other words, it’s a shitty theory, in that you’ve been harping on it for years and it has yet to actually pan out. unless i missed those new banners in msg, post ewing. of course he was always much classier than your run of the mill celtic, so i would guess that counts for something.

espn should have a sportsguy theory… get someone else with a sense of humor, a semi-decent grip on pop culture, a passing familiarity with sports, some strong, infensible opinions… EXCEPT he (she) wouldn’t be an outrageously self absorbed boston-obsessed homer! have that person fill in the current sportsguy slot. i figure it would be super difficult to find such a person, of course… probably an hour or two of combing creative writing workshops on the closest community college campus. sure, the almost guaranteed improvement in actual compositional skill would be nice, not to mention the very likely ability to not confuse one’s own lameass fratboy nostalgia with actually entertaining popcult goings on.

but hey, i hear you know jimmy kimmel! and you’re a bitchin’ go kart racer and you were going to beat that guy who’s such a jerk and what an ass for taking himself so seriously, and man you’re so much cooler than that guy that, uh… just beat you.

seriously, that was the best story ever.

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ruby is pissing me off

It’s always the little things. Although i’ve learned more about the way ruby handles path, and some of the FILE methods, than I really wanted to at the moment. Something odd is going on with the way a namespace for a method is getting referenced in a require, and I still haven’t figured it out. Dammit.

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extra-long… what now?

this has been sitting in my drafts queue for a while now; i can’t imagine why…

apparently the line btween absurd and brutal degeneracy hadn’t been well enough defined. i think we can all thank sonic for illuminating that line like a fucking laser beam in a coal mine. hey, look, we took what might be a decent sandwich and put it on a… HOT DOG BUN. and we’re calling it the extra-long sandwich thing! brilliant! because a hot dog bun is kind of long! sure, we could actually buy some real fucking bread to make a sandwich with, but why do that when we already had all these hot dog buns laying around? plus, if you eat at sonic you’re already used to shovelling shit directly into your mouth via a rusty, diseased spoon-ish object that you might have made out of your own hard, pure dumbassedness.

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kobe bryant, point guard

i’ve been slacking on the attempts at writing about sports stuff, despite being convinced that most sportswriters are almost as bad as most sportscasters - that is, extremely, stink out loud bad. my lakers are playing way over their heads, and best of all doing so in an exceptionally entertaining way; I guess that’s as good a place to start as any.

What confuses me, really, is why no one seems willing to admit that Bryant, he of the “sharing the ball more” myth that all the talking head types can’t spout about enough, is actually playing the point. Derek Fisher has in fact been huge for them this year, but it certainly isn’t because of his ability to push the ball or his sparkling assist totals. Which isn’t surprising, really; it’s hard to get a lot of assists when your leading shooter/scorer so rarely makes baskets from assists. Bryant is almost incapable of slashing to the basket without the ball, and he almost *never* shoots without making a series of moves and fakes first. People talk about what a great player he is, and they’re right, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone consistently take shots with the degree of difficulty he does, and MAKE them, over and over. It’s amazing, like he’s playing a different game where, to keep himself interested, he needs to take the most difficult shots possible. And he *makes* them. That turnaround fadeaway from 16-18 feet that’s become his pet move is completely impossible to defend against, because it’s *hard* to make that shot, and he does, over and over again. Watch him shoot threes; he’s the only shooter in the league that consistently launches from 4-5 feet behind the arc. Just because he can make it.

The last game against Denver just illustrates the point, and shows how devastating he is as the post option, ala Gary Payton in his prime. He’s at least as big as anyone who guards him, usually bigger, and he can jump out of the building. And he has that turnaround. So he gets the ball in the post 16 feet away, and either the other team gives up a jumpshot that he’ll make 80% of the time (and maybe foul him in the process), or they overplay him and he drives and gets to the rim, because he can blow past just about anyone. Then he either scores, or hits a cutter like Ronny Turiaf or whoever is playing center for a dunk, or kicks out to Fisher or Farmer or whoever for a three. Or they double-team him in the post, and he uses his size and court vision to throw it to a cutting big guy (hello, Kwame Brown and his early dunks in that game) or hits Fisher or Vujacic or Farmer or Walton… for a wide open three. Next thing you know, he’s got 7-8-9 assists to go with his 25 points.

But he kills the ball movement, because he has to fake and deke and jab-step every time he catches the ball. So no one gets assists for giving it to him, but if they move and cut while he’s fooling around, he’s giving up the ball more than ever, playing like, well, a point guard. And a damn good one, too.

The fact that guys no one ever heard of or gave a shit about, like Turiaf especially, but also Farmer and even Fisher, are just busting their asses and making the extra pass and doing it in a hurry, is what makes them lethal, Andrew Bynum or no. Well, that, and the real secret weapin they have, which is Lamar Odom’s rebounding. The guy has arms that just don’t seem to end; he’s routinely getting 15 boards a game just by hanging around the basket. And because they have to pay so much attention to Bryant defensively, guys like Ariza can operate on the baseline and slash to the basket before the defense can adjust or rotate.

They are a fun team to watch, playing the game exactly the way it is supposed to be played more often than not, and when Bryant is playing point guard they’re damn near unstoppable. Just don’t expect him to spot up or dive to the basket and pad anyone else’s assist total, because it’s not going to happen. Although I bet Steve Nash doesn’t get a lot of baskets off assists either. And he’s probably the best shooter in the game, period.

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newsflash: tahoe is awesome

Man. So glad to be back in cali, back in San Francisco, within shouting distance of some of the coolest stuff anywhere. We’re already trying to get another weekend locked up for next month. And with this going on for a while, it looks like there’s going to be snow into may this year. Woooo!

That link won’t make any sense in a week or two, but by then we’ll probably all be living in caves burning these worthless things they called “dollars” back when they had some value, trying to keep warm while waiting for the raccoon to finish cooking.

Mmmm… raccoon…

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it turns out, i’m old

I just dug the snowboarding gear out for a Tahoe trip this weekend. I haven’t used this stuff in at least 4 years now, maybe 5. I was really just looking for my gloves and boots. Which are now, oh… 8 years old, maybe? The board is older, I know that. Anyway, there’s something oddly comfortable about getting the cold weather gear out, gear you know and have all broken in and trained the way you want, getting geared up for a weekend in frigidly cold weather and if we’re super lucky maybe even a little snow.

I’m psyched. Of course, I made a shitty panic purchase of shades today, my new ones shattering like my adolescent dreams. When I took these broken ones to the merchant of such things, I was told it was unlikely they’d be done by the weekend, it being Thursday and all. (To which I’m thinking, maybe if you motherfuckers opened up before 11am…) So not wanting to be snow blind - I’m sure as my decreptitude advances my eyes get more and more screwed up, and bright glare has always made me basically blind to begin with - I go to a couple-three places, finally find some semi-acceptable shades that cost way too much, and then the original merchant calls while I’m out (serves me right for not giving them my cell #) and says they found the lenses in house, cut them to size, and they’re ready to go.

Which I should be happy about… right?

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i knew there was a reason i don’t trust this amateur-hour php stuff

upgrade wordpress, all your settings get overwritten. and you get to wade through a .old directory trying to find the css files, or re-edit them. because why wouldn’t you want that?

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you have to love these guys

I can only hope that someday I too can enjoy a position where absolute incompetence is indistinguishable from criminal venality.

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god damned domain hijacking losers.

Apparently I let my boneconductor domains lapse, and some scummy domain sales outfit just grabbed it last week. man, that’s irritating. I can still (and, in fact, just did) get the .net domain, but: annoying. And they want $650 for it! I guess it’s a better business model than actually working for a living. Still trying to mine that 1996 domain name bonanza, I guess. Ride that wave of the future, guys, I’m sure you’re all getting rich off of it.

Again, I say: losers.

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